I finished a rewrite of the script today. As I continue my college courses I am learning to write a little better each time. This time I restructured the conversation, adjusting its flow and trying to clarify its main points. I feel challenge to retain the subtlety in the dialogue without giving away too much. Perhaps I am under estimating the potential audience. I just want to be sure the concept of the piece comes across without a lot of thought.
Jonas now has a greater emotional impact on the script. I realized I was focusing all the emotion on Torin and leaving the reporter a dry mechanical interviewer. While this might mimic the 70’s era prison videos I was inspired by, it is not very entertaining and leaves little for the actor to work with.
I feel overall the dialogue is tighter and flows better. I parred it down a lot, not so wordy now. Hopefully it will shorten the run time as well.